July 23rd 2022: Hellhounds Take a Bite Out of Crime in Seattle

 “Hello, and welcome to SPR: Natural News. I’m Fox Nightly.

Thank you for joining us on this Saturday night. It’s the twenty-third of July, 2022, and here’s our top story…

We have received reports of an incident in Seattle, Washington involving the apparent rampage of a group of hellhounds. Our own talented investigative reporter, Ann Chorman, has been looking into the matter ever since. We now send you over to her, live in the field, Ann?”

“Thanks, Fox! This is Ann Chorman, reporting live from near the scene of the incident last night. I thoroughly questioned each and every officer involved with this case to get to their bottom- I mean, the bottom of this… Except one, he was married and declined a private interview out of respect for his wife. And I can respect that-”

“Uhhh Ann? About the hellhounds?”

“Oh! Yes. Sorry… Anywho… this seems to be a case of normal crime being mixed with paranormal activities and, as you know Fox, that rarely ends well.”

“Indeed, Ann, there are many movies based on folk lore of real life events where just such things happen.”

“Yes, and like the man who stole from leprechauns and ended up terrorized and running naked through the streets of Fort Lauderdale, the lady at the center of this fiasco threaded where she shouldn’t have.”

“Was it another case of a novice summoning demons and them getting out of control?”

“Oh, no! In fact, Fox, the owner of these hellhounds had them entirely legally. According to my sources, they were acquired through the proper adoption channels, they’ve all been certified, and they all have their own sealing cages where they can’t run amok when they’re bored and their master’s out. After all, like any creature, enrichment is important for physical and mental health. And hellhounds, while adorable, are a very high maintenance pet.”

“Ann, forgive me for interrupting, but if they were properly certified and confined, then how did they manage to escape? Did the cages fail?”

“Great question, Fox! Actually, NO! The cages had been reinforced, physically, magically, and spiritually. The cages in question are top of the line in demonic familiar home technology.”

“I’m sure all of our viewers are asking the same question I am ‘If they can’t get out on their own, then how did they get out?’ Did your investigation reveal that?”

“Yes it did! After many hours of grueling work, I was able to pin down the answer -and a few officers- and get to the bottom of this! It seems that they were let out, INTENTIONALLY by a neighbor.”

“Someone INTENTIONALLY let them out?!”

“That’s right, Fox.”

“How irresponsible can you get?!”

“Well, that’s only the tip of the iceburg here, Fox. The woman in question, is the SAME one who ended up with a bullet wound by someone who was trying to shoot the poor puppies. Which, a lot of individuals I’ve interviewed have seen that portion as ‘Karma served’ as bad as that sounds.”

“Quite. Although I can understand their feelings given the situation. Do you have anything else to elaborate on this?”

“Well, the woman in question had apparently broke into the apartment that contained the hellhounds. And then proceeded to steal a lot of high end property from it. And, for no reason anyone’s been able to explain, she then let the dogs out.”

“Oh, I can see where this is going, Ann.”

“That’s right, Fox. We now KNOW who lets the dogs out. The hellhounds, being freed from their confinement, must have sensed the intruder and knew what she’d done. And, being familiars, they would have been VERY upset about someone stealing from their master. And, as a result, ran amok. Multiple people received bites, but none of them were serious. The crazy thief ended up in the hospital when the apartment manager tried to shoot one of the hellhounds, and hit the woman instead. But everyone’s fine and the woman is currently in the hospital pending begin taken to jail on a variety of charges.”

“Is there any indication on why she was doing these hijinks, Ann?”

“There’s a lot of speculation on that topic, but very few have any real idea on the matter.”

“And what about your special sources, Ann?”

“Oh, Fox, you know me so well! Yes, I’ve made a few inquiries to a few of my SPECIAL friends… and they’ve let me in on a rather juicy scoop.”

“Oh, I know that tone, Ann, what do you have for us?”

“Well, Fox, according to my SPECIAL sources… the lady in question has run afoul of the Fae.”

“Oh no.”

“That’s right, Fox. And apparently it wasn’t just ONE… She rather peeved off a few, and though my sources weren’t able to give me the specifics, they informed me that she’s been punished with a few unenviable quirks.”

“Such as?”

“Well, from what I understand, and makes sense from this case, her short term memory’s been made sporadic, like she has the worst case of ADHD imaginable… and on top of that they’ve given her some form of Gremlin’s Curse.”

“Well that’d explain the kleptomania and chaotic actions, Ann.”

“Indeed, Fox! And there’s no telling how long the gremlins will continue to make her life miserable.”

“Well, as far as my own knowledge goes, until she atones for her wrong doing.”

“That’s right, Fox. However, with her regularly causing more problems, because of the Gremlin’s Curse, she’s going to be fighting an uphill battle in that regard.”

“An unenviable position to be in, indeed, Ann.”

“That’s right, Fox! Sucks to be her!”

“Uh, Ann, we’re still live.”

“Oh, well… Speaking of… There’s a line of hunky paramedics that have promised to give me a once over. So I’ll be heading off for now! This is Ann Chorman, live in Seattle, Washington, signing off.”

“Yes… well… ahem… Thank you for that enlightening report, Ann… Well, there you have it, you heard it here. A thief unleashes more than she’d bargained for in Seattle, Washington, and a group of hellhounds take a bite out of crime… and several others… That’s tonight’s news. Thank you for joining us on SPR Natural News. I’m Fox Nightly. Stay safe, and goodnight.”