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August 9th 2022: Antichrist Discovered Cheating at Golf, Surprising None.

“Hello, and welcome to SPR: Natural News. I’m Fox Nightly. Thank you for joining us on this Tuesday evening. It’s the ninth of August, 2022, and here’s our top story… We’ve received reports of... I’m sorry… Is that card right? … It IS? … You’re SURE? … Please double check for me, I’d hate to have a story full of misinformation that hasn’t been vetted. You know I- … OH! Great! Yes, thank you very much! I know you take your job as seriously as I do and I’m sure our viewers appreciate your dedication to the truth by checking it repeatedly… Sorry, everyone, I just had to double check this before we really got into it. It’s a bit hard to believe but… Accord to reports, CONFIRMED reports mind you, the Antichrist has been found… on a golf course… in Florida. I mean, yeah, okay, Florida makes complete sense… Although I honestly always expected them to be found in Washington DC and- … Why is everyone back there laughing? … Oh boy... Ahem… We now send you over to our own Ann Chorman, live, on lo...
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August 5th 2022: Mad Scientist Makes Food ‘The Bomb’

  “Hello, and welcome to SPR: Natural News. I’m Fox Nightly. Thank you for joining us on this Friday evening. It’s the fifth of August, 2022, and here’s our top story… We’ve received reports of... well… to quote one of our tippers, quote, ‘A mad scientist is blowing up large chunks of the Australian landscape and I’m pretty sure some of the fires can be seen from space.’ end quote. We’ve also received other, as of yet, unconfirmed reports that the fires and explosions are caused by rampant fire elementals. Our own Ann Chorman has made the trip to Australia to try and get to the truth of the matter. Ann?” “Hi, Fox! This is Ann Chorman, reporting live from down under-” “Ann! We are LIVE! Please remember your last conversation with H R and our public relations team. So, please, do NOT finish that sentence with: policeman, fireman, paramedic, lifeguard, postman, mailman, soldier, nurse, doctor, maid, house keeper, chef pilot, gardener, pool boy, or any OTHER professional that wears a u...
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July 23rd 2022: Hellhounds Take a Bite Out of Crime in Seattle

  “Hello, and welcome to SPR: Natural News. I’m Fox Nightly. Thank you for joining us on this Saturday night. It’s the twenty-third of July, 2022, and here’s our top story… We have received reports of an incident in Seattle, Washington involving the apparent rampage of a group of hellhounds. Our own talented investigative reporter, Ann Chorman, has been looking into the matter ever since. We now send you over to her, live in the field, Ann?” “Thanks, Fox! This is Ann Chorman, reporting live from near the scene of the incident last night. I thoroughly questioned each and every officer involved with this case to get to their bottom- I mean, the bottom of this… Except one, he was married and declined a private interview out of respect for his wife. And I can respect that-” “Uhhh Ann? About the hellhounds?” “Oh! Yes. Sorry… Anywho… this seems to be a case of normal crime being mixed with paranormal activities and, as you know Fox, that rarely ends well.” “Indeed, Ann, there are many mo...
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April 12th 2015: Strange Blob in Pacific Ocean

  “Hello, and welcome to SPR: Natural News. I'm Fox Nightly. Thank you for joining us on this Sunday night. It’s the twelfth of April, 2015, and here’s our top story… Researchers have been studying a strange section of the Pacific Ocean that seems to be much warmer than the surrounding areas. They have been going through a variety of tests and hypothesis, to no avail. But, after bringing in a group of specialists, they believe they have finally cracked the case… Right Ann?” “Right, Fox! This is Ann Chorman, live and on location in the middle of the Pacific. For as far as the eye can see there are hardworking men who, apparently, have nothing better to do with their time than work out shirtless and maintain their golden tan-“ “Ann, FOCUS. About the hot sea?” “Oh yes… it’s definitely a sea of hotties…” “Ann…” “Oh! Sorry! Right… Anywho… This brave crew has been out here for over a year straight helping with the research effort. After a few specialists were added to the roster, they we...
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